Crowson: Sniffin' Out Voter Fraud

Mar 7, 2018

For today’s commentary, I’ve invited an old friend to come in and speak:

Hello, everybody, this is Elvis Presley from down in Memphis, Tennessee. I wanted to say a few words in favor of my good buddy, your Kansas Secretary of State, Mr. Kris Kobach. Mr. Kobach is currently in the process of defending the existence of voter fraud by illegal immigrants. There seem to be a lot of folks out there that think this voter fraud thing is a myth. Well, lemme tell ya, I know a thing or two about myths.

See, some folks think that I’m dead. But I ain’t dead. So I’m hiring Mr. Kobach to show the skeptics out there that I, Elvis Presley, am still alive.

Now, I had to get in line, ‘cause after Mr. Kobach proves that voter fraud is real there’s a cat called Bigfoot that also needs to be proven to exist. So he’ll take care of that case, and then my old pal, the Loch Ness Monster, Nessie as I call him, Mr. Kobach is gonna prove that he’s real.

Then he’s gonna get around to me, Elvis Presley. Mr. Kobach, he’s a wonder worker. In three years his mighty efforts have actually come up with, um, well, ok, just one undocumented immigrant voting… but, um…he says there’s millions and I’m sure he’s gonna be proving that once and for all.

Mr. Kobach, he ain’t nothing but a hound dog when it comes to sniffin’ out voter fraud. He’s gonna prove that Bigfoot, and Nessie and yours truly, Elvis, are all alive and just as real as all those millions of voter frauders out there!

For KMUW, I’m Elvis Presley.