Commentary
5:00 am
Fri May 9, 2014

The Glory Of The Thundershirt

Hooray for Thundershirts! Our dog, Lucy, is deathly afraid of thunderstorms and firecracker pops. She would nervously pace the house every time a storm came or on the Fourth of July, virtually inconsolable, shaking and cowering until the noise stopped.

Credit Blake Facey / Flickr / Creative Commons

Then a friend told us about the Thundershirt. It’s basically a wrap-around for dogs that attaches with Velcro and somehow provides them the comfort they need to make it through the rumbles and explosions of our violent Kansas storms. The Thundershirt has saved the day for Lucy.

It worked so well, in fact that I’ve begun wondering if there might not be other applications for Thundershirts. For instance, what if we encouraged those amongst us who are so afraid of going out in public without their guns to wear Thundershirts instead?

Think of it: Confronted with the necessity of going out to the grocery store, many Kansans apparently quake with fear. But instead of placing their concealed-carry handgun in their pocket, they snuggle themselves into a Thundershirt! No more anxiety! No more paranoid, furtive glances at that threatening-looking lady over there picking out a cantaloupe! There’s no need to fear at all because they’re wearing their Thundershirt!

Government buildings? No problem! Those who quake with fear when going to get their driver's license renewed no longer have to pack heat! They swaddle themselves in a Thundershirt and bravely walk right into that County Clerk Office as devil-may-care as any second grader!

Gosh, I wish there had been a Thundershirt amendment to the Constitution. What an awesome force the National Thundershirt Association could have been!