Commentary
5:00 am
Fri July 19, 2013

Richard Crowson: How To Stop An Alien Invasion

Recently, Neil deGrasse Tyson, an astrophysicist who is director of the Hayden Planetarium in New York City, said that he wondered whether earth had already been visited by aliens. He contended that they may have observed human activity and concluded that there is no sign of intelligent life on our planet.

Steven Hawking, the theoretical physicist, believes that aliens would more than likely only visit us if they were interested in sucking our brains out of our heads and laying waste to the planet earth. So it’s a good thing they’re staying away.

And there you have it. One real smart guy says aliens would end our world if we had brains. Another says they may have come here already and left in disgust at our behavior.

Enter the Kansas Legislature and Governor.

Our oft-derided Topekanese leadership has been busy building defenses against an alien invasion.

What we thought was a dumb bill aimed at putting a Glock in every school teacher’s bottom drawer, why, it just might have thwarted the ray guns of conquerors from another galaxy!

Those cuts to higher ed that some said were a step backwards for Kansas were actually a visionary attempt to signal to Klingons that they should look elsewhere for victims.

The Governor’s seemingly misguided obliteration of the Kansas Arts Commission just may have been a master brush stroke that saved the planet from marauding intergalactic meddlers!

Hooray for our far-sighted Kansas politicians! They’ve proven to the cosmos that we ain’t smart enough for no flying saucer dudes to pay no nevermind to!

Kansas: saving the earth from aliens, one goofy law at a time!