Commentary
5:00 am
Fri August 19, 2011

Richard Crowson: The Prophet Samuel

It’s not always easy to figure out exactly what a prophet is telling us. Sometimes, we have to piece together their perplexing words and actions in order to understand their true intent, as the prophet instructs us on how to behave. So it is with the Prophet Samuel.

Samuel Brownback would, on the surface of things, seem to be contradicting himself a bit lately. But I think I’ve figured out his master plan for us Kansans. Perhaps it was revealed to him when he went to pray loudly and publicly, Pharisees-style, with Texas Governor Rick Perry.

Samuel recently turned down a federal $31.5 million grant to our cash-strapped state. The grant was to help Kansas design its own model online program to help people choose among health insurance providers. Samuel said he was concerned about the federal budget. So, Kansas will probably have to pay that money out of its own pocket in the near future. Another hit to the Kansas budget would seem to be OK with Samuel. Our schools and highways and social services are apparently still over-funded, according to Samuel.

Samuel has also decided, it was reported by the Kansas City Star, not to pursue a slice of a $900 million federal grant over the next five years to help communities reduce chronic diseases such as diabetes and heart disease.

But wait. Samuel has a health care plan for us. For it came to pass that he hath seeked a $6.6 million federal grant to promote marriage to Kansans. What – turning down federal health care money and applying for federal marriage-promotion money within the same week?

But lo, finally, we are able to deduce Samuel’s plan for Kansans’ health care—or as we might call it, BrownbackCare. Samuel’s plan is that we should all divorce our spouses and marry doctors.

And, apparently, pray.