Commentary
5:00 am
Fri March 19, 2010

Richard Crowson: Whither White Castle?

What’s wrong with this picture: Here I am living in Wichita, Kansas, and I have to buy frozen White Castle cheeseburgers at the grocery. That’s right. Frozen. They come 6 to a box. Shipped in from God-knows-where. To Wichita.

Wichita is the home of White Castles. They were invented by Walter Anderson and Billy Ingram right here in 1921. They swept throughout the Midwest in the next decades. They continue to thrive all over the place. But are there any in Wichita? No, there are not.

Don’t get me wrong. I love our homegrown crumbly NuWAYs as much as anybody. I eat there regularly. But sometimes you just need a little square four-bite slider. And the tragedy is that you can’t get one in the city that gave them birth, for crying out loud.

Pizza Hut was invented here. We have Pizza Huts. Taco Tico was invented here. We have Taco Ticos. So where are the White Castles?

Ok. I know there are bigger and more pressing issues than this to be dealt with locally. We have brand new multimillion dollar Kellogg intersections that don’t work. We have a city water department that doesn’t seem to work. We have thousands of victims of layoffs that have no work. So here’s this one thing, this one humble little hamburger that seems to work like a charm. And we can’t get them in Wichita.

Where’s the grassroots movement to correct this problem? I’d settle for just an Astroturf movement like the Tea Party. Somebody needs to be holding rallies demanding our right to White Castles. It’s time for the Slider Party to arise. A city without White Castles is on the road to socialism and fascism. We have turned our backs on the founding fathers of White Castle, right here in the cradle of the slider.