Theresa Thompson, flickr Creative Commons

There is so much frightening food available these days—like Twinkies, cappuccino flavored potato chips, and genetically modified foods.

Navigating the grocery store is a bit of a horror story on a regular day.

But, today is Halloween, and have some creepy suggestions for your holiday table.

When I was a kid in the seventies, I went to a party dressed as a hobo, like all the other kids.

We stuck our hands into bowls of peeled grapes (eyeballs!), wet and oily spaghetti worms!), and then ate Vienna sausages (fingers!).

cmiked / Flickr / Creative Commons

Ah, Halloween. The season of goblins, witches, zombies, skeletons and banjos.

What??! Banjos??!

There’s a memorable Halloween night scene in the book To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee. The story’s protagonist, 6-year old Scout is walking home after dark from a Halloween school program. Scout is still wearing her clumsy chicken wire and paper costume from the program in which children represent different agricultural products: she’s dressed as a cured ham.

Christmas has hundreds of songs. Thanksgiving has “Over the River and Through the Wood.” New Year’s has “Auld Lang Syne” and Easter has “Here Comes Peter Cottontail.” But Halloween has zilch.

So here’s a song for Halloween. Played, appropriately I think, on the scariest instrument—the banjo.

This is a list of each scary thing that can frighten you this Halloween:

A letter for you from the IRS
A store-bought cantaloupe
Yet another GOP presidential debate
To drain your soul of hope

What a weird holiday Halloween is.

It’s like some sort of phantom holiday that we all know exists and yet seems to dwell in some other holiday dimension. It’s printed on calendars, yet no one gets off work for it. The mail’s delivered.  Banks are open. Schools don’t shut down on Halloween, though some teachers trying to deal with kids on a frantic sugary candy high probably wish it was otherwise.